Just Breathe
by anhanninen
Summary: After his wife dies, Edward's left alone to pick up the pieces of his brokenhearted daughter. He must swallow his pride and ask for help so that she can heal. He never imagined one woman could mend two hearts, just by listening. "Sometimes, all you can do is just breathe." All Human. *ON TEMPORARY HIATUS*
1. Chapter 1

**Massive thank you **to BookwormBaby2580 and MelissaMargaret for beta'ing.

**Thanks,** Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Vanessa, Marita, and twicrazreader for pre-reading and indulging my craziness.

**A/N: **I have plot bunnies all the time and can usually squash them, but this one demanded to be written. It'll be all Edward's point-of-view, but there might be outtakes in Bella's.

**I do not own 'Twilight' or any characters from it. I just play with them.**

* * *

"Daddy," Elsie said, patting my cheek as I opened my eyes.

I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the darkness. My seven-year-old daughter stood before me, holding her stuffed teddy bear. Her little lips carried a pout as her big blue eyes watched me closely.

"What's the matter, baby?" I asked, scrubbing my hand over my face as I sat up.

"I can't sleep. Can I lay with you?"

I sighed, knowing I should say no. We'd been over this time and time again with my mom — the psychologist. It had been two years, but the nightmares still hadn't stopped. I could just tell by the look on my little girl's face that she had another. Mom said she needed to sleep on her own — that I was hindering her by continuing to allow her to sleep with me. But honestly, how could I say no?

This was my fault, after all. I _wasn't _there.

"Okay, but only for tonight," I said, like I'd said countless times before. "Come here."

I put my hands under her arms, lifting her up into the tall bed. Lying back down, she snuggled into my chest, holding her teddy bear between us. I combed my hand through her soft, strawberry blonde hair as I hummed her lullaby.

She sighed contentedly into my chest and whispered, "I love you, Daddy."

I smiled, pressing my lips to the top of her head. "I love you more, Els. No more bad dreams, okay? Daddy's got you."

As she drifted to sleep in my arms, the ache in my heart increased. It was just us, and had been for two years now. I didn't like the term widower — I loathed it, actually. I was thirty-four years old, for Christ's sake. Too young to have married and been left alone. The looks had died down for the most part. I could go to the grocery store without being offered condolences, I could drop Elsie off at school without seeing tears form in people's eyes, and I could go about my day without hearing the whispers that followed.

_Poor guy, he has to raise his daughter on his own._

_It's such a tragedy._

_A senseless crime, really. _

_That little girl will never be the same._

The comments about my daughter hurt the most. She was so young when it happened — when she _watched _it happen. I'd hoped she could maybe block it out, but I knew better than that. Who forgets watching their mother being shot for her purse? No one. And it _killed _me to know that no matter how hard I tried, how much I talked to her, how normal I tried to make things, my little girl would always be haunted by that night.

I wasn't even there and I'd _never _forget.

Tanya was beautiful and brilliant. I'd loved her since we were teenagers, and I always would. She was my wife, the mother of my child, and my better half. She'd made me a better man, supported me through the good and bad, and had given me the most precious gift in the world.

She was also an idiot.

It was a purse. A fucking purse. If she'd had let it go, our child would still have a mother and the worst thing to have happened to her would have been a broken leg when she was four. I loved Tanya, but I also hated her for her damn pride. She thought she was fucking superwoman. She probably thought she could fight the guy off. If she'd had just let him take her money and whatever else he wanted, she'd still be here.

But she wasn't, and I was alone now.

Every single day was a struggle. I missed my headstrong wife, my cheerful daughter, and the life we'd had. I missed coming home after a long day and having my vibrant little girl run into my legs, attaching herself. I missed talking to Tanya about the crazy things I saw from day to day, hearing her own stories, and then laughing about it.

I missed being happy.

* * *

"Dr. Cullen," Angela said, interrupting me as I worked on extracting a ridiculously stubborn wisdom tooth.

"A little busy, Angela," I said, keeping my eyes on my work. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry. Um, your mom and daughter are in your office. They were wondering how long you'd be."

I glanced up at the clock, already fully aware that Elsie should be in school and _not _in my office. "What happened?"

"Mrs. Cullen didn't say."

I sighed. "Well, please go ask and let me know if it's an emergency. Otherwise, I'll be done in a few minutes."

_She's new_, I repeated over and over in my head as I tried to stay calm. I had a bad habit of upsetting my employees and having them quit on me . . . Okay, I more than upset them. The last receptionist ran out in tears and never came back. Mom made me send her flowers and offer severance pay, along with a letter of recommendation when I'd told her what happened.

Apparently I had anger issues.

Once I finished extracting the stubborn tooth, I tied a suture and packed my unconscious patient's mouth with gauze. The young man's vitals were stable and everything looked good, so as he woke up, I informed his mother how things went and then headed into my office.

I loved my job. Being an oral and maxillofacial surgeon was more than just pulling zit-faced teenagers' wisdom teeth or taking grandma's decaying teeth out and putting a denture in. As well as sharing a practice in Seattle with my brother-in-law Jasper — who was a dentist — and Dr. Eleazar Denali, I worked with the trauma team at Harborview Medical Center and performed facial reconstructive surgery. I had spent over twelve years in school after high school, which meant I also had my medical degree.

I'd been sought after once I completed all of my training three years ago, but had chosen to move to Seattle to be close to my family. I had a young daughter, so I wanted her to grow up around people who loved her. Tanya was from Seattle too, even though her family had long since split up and moved to different parts of the country. She said this was our home, and we needed to come back.

I honest to God wish I hadn't listened to her.

When I opened my office door, Mom and Elsie were sitting in front of my desk, seemingly normal. "What's wrong?" I asked, walking in as Elsie slid off of her chair and came to me. I picked her up, kissing her cheek.

"She told the school nurse she didn't feel well," Mom said, standing and coming over to embrace me. "They called me because you didn't answer."

"I've been in surgery all morning."

She smiled softly, nodding. "I know, sweetheart. Miss Elsie isn't really sick, though, is she?"

We looked at my daughter as her cheeks flushed. "I was really tired, Daddy. Mrs. Newton asked if I felt okay when I fell asleep in class, so I said I didn't and she sent me to the nurse. I'm sorry for lying."

I sighed. Damn it, this wasn't the first time she'd lied to leave school. It was getting to be a habit — an extremely bad one. "So, you made Nana leave work to get you? I'm really upset, baby."

"Why don't you finish working on your homework while Daddy and I talk, hmm?" Mom asked.

Els nodded and I put her down, so she could go back to my desk. I knew the look on Mom's face. Another lecture about not taking care of my daughter properly was coming, and I was sick and tired of it. She thought she knew everything because of her career, but Elsie _wasn't _her patient. She was my child who had been through a traumatic event.

Was she really expected to be completely normal?

Once Elsie started back on her work, Mom followed me down the hall to an empty exam room. She held up her finger before I could tell her I was handling it. "Take her to someone, Edward," she said as tears formed in her eyes.

Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that.

"Did she sleep at all last night?" she asked.

"She got in bed with me around four," I said. "And before you start, I know I need to stop that, but you don't see her, okay? You don't hear her screams; I do. She's my kid, and I'm doing the best I can."

She sighed. "I know, Edward, but this has got to stop. Please, you won't listen to me, so take her to someone and listen to him or her. She's my grandbaby, and I'm worried. It's been _two years_. Tanya isn't coming back and this _won't _fix itself."

"I know!" I huffed, running my hand through my hair. "But I'm not going to take her to some shrink and let her think there's something wrong with her!"

"There isn't, sweetheart. It's nothing she's done."

"But do you think she's going to understand that?"

"She will if you talk to her. Pushing this under the rug _isn't _helping her. It's only hurting her worse. This is, what, the third time that she's gotten out of school because she doesn't 'feel well?' It's not even October yet. Do you think this is good for her?"

"Of course not."

She took my hand in her smaller ones, clasping it tightly. "Then just think about it, okay? I can give you names. I know you want what's best for her, Edward, and I know you've tried everything to help her yourself, but there are some things even you can't fix."

I shook my head, sighing. "Of all the things I can do, not one of them will make her better. Jesus, I can't even help my own daughter. What kind of father am I?"

She took another step closer, wrapping her arms around my torso. "You are an _amazing _father. It's just time to try something else. We'll get through this, honey. She'll be our bright little Elsie again."

I stood there, letting my mother embrace me as I dreamed of a day when all of this would be behind us. The dream was so farfetched that I honestly didn't know if it'd happen. Would my daughter ever be able to just smile and be happy? Would she always be haunted by the sight of her mother in that parking lot? Could she ever be okay, really?

I'd truly do anything in the world to make that happen — even swallow my own pride and admit that I wasn't helping.

"Get me a list of the _best_," I said, patting her back before she pulled away.

She smiled, pressing her hand to the side of my face. "I wouldn't allow anything less for her."

* * *

Mom had patients to get back to, so she had to leave Elsie with me. Unfortunately, my own schedule prevented me from just taking her home. Once Mom left, I grabbed a blanket and pillow from the supply room and brought them back to my office.

"Are you still tired, baby?" I asked, laying the items down on my leather sofa.

Elsie nodded, putting down her pencil on my desk. "I'm really sorry, Daddy."

"Come here." I patted the couch as I sat down, and she slid out of the chair and walked over, sitting next to me. I put my arm around her, pulling her into my side. "I am upset, but I know it's not your fault. Did you sleep at all last night before getting into bed with me?"

She shrugged her little shoulders, looking up at me. "Kinda, but not really. I just . . . I miss Mommy."

I held her closer, burying my face in her hair. Of course she missed Tanya, and it hurt to know I couldn't make that any better. Maybe if I'd left work like I'd said I was going to, I'd have been there that night and none of this would be happening. "I miss her too, sweet girl," I said as she sniffled. "I know I'm not her and I know nothing can ever be the same, but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

I nodded as she looked up at me. "I swear. And you know you can talk to me, right? I'll always listen."

She wiped her cheeks. "I know, Daddy. Is Nana mad at me?"

"No, she just doesn't like seeing you so tired. You can't do this again, though, okay? If you can't sleep, come to me sooner from now on."

"But I thought I couldn't sleep with you."

"Not forever and not just because you want to, but if you can't sleep or you have a bad dream, I want you to come to me. We're going to figure this out and things will get better, but until then, we'll just have to do what works."

She wrapped her little arms around my neck, holding onto me tightly. I patted her back lightly, kissing her cheek.

"I love you," she said

"I love you more." I smiled. "Now, I have to get back to work, so you're going to take a nap."

She let me go and I stood up, going to pull off her shoes. She laid back against the pillow as I stretched the blanket over her. "I'm sorry," she said before her mouth opened wide with a yawn.

"It's all right." I kissed her forehead. "I'll be back in a little bit. Sleep well, Els."

I walked over and closed the curtains before shutting the lights off and leaving my office. I hoped and prayed Mom knew someone who could help my little girl. She was the most precious person in the world to me — my reason for living — and I _needed _her to get better.

* * *

**A/N:** I have a few chapters prewritten, so updates will be regular — about every week to every other week — for about two months. My priority is still to finish my other stories. Nothing is on hiatus and all will be written.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this first chapter! It might hurt a little, but I always promise a happily ever after. I'll see you again next week!

In other news, kr2009, my Kelley, just posted a new story today! It's called **Finding Serendipity **and you can find it on her profile. I preread for her, and I just love it! She's an amazing author.

Summary: Edward's breakfast errand ends in him stumbling upon something unexpected. He discovers that sometimes a simple good deed isn't enough. And sometimes, two homeless girls can completely change your life. AH.


	2. Chapter 2

**Massive thank you **to BookwormBaby2580 and MelissaMargaret for beta'ing.

**Thanks,** Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Vanessa, Marita, and twicrazreader for pre-reading and indulging my craziness.

**I do not own 'Twilight' or any characters from it. I just play with them.**

* * *

"Tigers are _definitely _better than lions, Daddy," Elsie said as I drove her home from my sister's house. "They're so pretty with their stripes. Lions are . . . plain."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sorry, but I just don't see it. Lions live and hunt in a pride, while tigers are very solitary. I'd much rather be a lion than be lonesome as a tiger."

"But tigers are bigger, so they're better. Did you know that?"

I nodded. "I did, but bigger isn't always better."

Our debate over lions and tigers had started because her class had a trip to the zoo in a few days, and all she cared about was seeing tigers. It was silly, really, but these types of discussions brought me so much joy. It was so . . . normal.

"Well, if we get one, it better be a tiger," she said, crossing her arms over her chest as I looked through the mirror into the back seat.

"Okay, _if _we have to get one, we can get a tiger," I laughed. "But, we won't be. Tigers aren't exactly house pets."

"Well, duh!" she giggled. "I'm just saying, if we _do_."

I nodded. "All right then, baby. If we ever happen into a situation where we can have a lion or a tiger, I'll let you have your tiger. You get to clean its gigantic litter box, though."

"Eww! Never mind! That'd be nasty!"

And that was how I'd kept her from getting every kitten she saw. Tell a seven-year-old girl they have to clean up shit and see how committed they still are. As I drove towards our house in Bellevue — a Seattle suburb — I thought about the past week. Elsie had been doing so much better that I decided against calling to set up an appointment with someone from Mom's extensive list.

She'd slept in her own bed six out of the past eight nights, and when she had come to mine, it'd been early on. She was getting plenty of sleep, so we hadn't had any more issues with her wanting to come home. Honestly, maybe all she needed was for me to tell her it was okay for her to come to me. Mom had driven it into my mind that it wasn't, so each time she had come to my bed, I'd told her it wasn't a good idea. I was sure that had made her reluctant to come to me, which meant she didn't sleep as much as she should have.

Really, I didn't _want _to take Elsie to someone. It made me feel like I'd failed her as her father if I had to turn to someone else for help. We might have ups and downs, but I could handle this on my own — like I'd been doing for the past two years.

She just needed me.

* * *

"Well, what do you want for dinner, Els?" I asked, looking through the fridge as she did her homework at the counter.

"Pizza!" she said, grinning from ear to ear.

I laughed shaking my head. "It's not Friday. How about Chicken Alfredo?"

She shrugged. "All right, but we get pizza tomorrow."

"Yes, we do," I chuckled, pulling the ingredients out.

I hadn't been much of a cook before Tanya passed away, but one thing I'd realized quickly was that a five-year-old couldn't live off of take-out or burgers on the grill. I'd given myself a crash course in cooking and found I wasn't half bad. Well, that was according to Elsie. My daughter's palate wasn't too sophisticated.

While I cooked, I helped her with her math homework, which she _despised. _It took her longer than anything else to do, but we finally finished it right before our meal was ready.

The dining room in our large house had basically been left untouched since we had lost Tanya. My wife _loved _hosting dinner parties and making the most out of the elegant room. Everything in there had last been touched by her, and I didn't dare disturb it.

I couldn't.

So, like usual, Els and I cleared the counter and ate there. She told me more about her day at school and how excited she was for her trip to the zoo — even though I'd taken her over the summer. She loved animals and, as of now, wanted to be a veterinarian. My father joked that at least she'd be a doctor, like most everyone else in our family. He was a trauma surgeon — the head of the department, actually — at Harborview Medical Center, which I worked out of. My sister Alice hadn't chosen a career in the medical field and instead went into social work before deciding to stay home with my nephew Peter. We messed with her, calling her the black sheep of the family. It was all in good fun, though. Truthfully, my parents just wanted us to be happy with what we did, and we were.

"Can I have ice cream?" Elsie asked, batting her eyelashes. I let her believe that actually worked when I'd probably give her anything without the ploy.

I nodded, taking her plate from her. "All right, but it's your turn to take out the trash."

She giggled. "Nah-uh. That's _your _job."

"Load the dishwasher?"

"Fine," she huffed, sliding off of the bar stool.

She came to stand beside me and took the plates and silverware from me once I rinsed them off. As she finished that up, I grabbed the cookie dough ice cream and two bowls. She grinned, watching me scoop hers out, and took it the moment I was done. Since her homework was complete, I let her have her half hour of television while we ate.

I could honestly live without the Disney channel, so I sat beside her and did some work on my laptop, trying to drown out the sound.

"Bath time," I said, looking at the time.

She groaned and then passed me the remote before hurrying upstairs. I often wondered how things would be different if she still had her mother. We had a pretty solid routine — one of the things I _did _listen to my mom about, actually. On nights I didn't work at the hospital, I'd pick her up from my sister's where she went after school, we'd come home and do homework, eat, watch some TV, and then she'd bathe and play for a little bit.

It was boring, to be honest, but I was far past excitement now. I liked our routine, and I hated the days I had to break it. Next week I was on call at the hospital, so if I was called in, she'd go over to my parents' house. She was used to it now, but the first few times I'd been on call after Tanya passed away, she'd thrown a fit from hell.

Mom said it was the separation, which I understood. Elsie's biggest fear was losing me, and though I promised her that wouldn't happen, she was still terrified of it. When I was on call now and not home when she expected me, she'd text me, asking if I was okay. It seemed to be the reassurance she needed, so I had no issues with giving her a phone for that.

I always texted her back as soon as possible . . . or had an OR nurse do if for me.

After getting some work done, I checked the clock again and realized she was probably out of the bathroom. Closing my laptop and putting it on the coffee table, I headed upstairs and found her sitting on her bed, brushing her long hair out.

"How about I do that?" I asked, smiling as she looked up at me.

She nodded, holding the brush out for me. I sat down behind her and moved the brush through her hair — Tanya's hair mixed with a little of mine. "Will you do braids, Daddy?"

"Sure, baby. Let me go grab your ties." I kissed her cheek, blowing a raspberry on it before heading into her bathroom.

I sure as hell couldn't replace Tanya in the hair department, but this was another thing I'd _had _to learn. Alice taught me, actually. Honestly, if it hadn't been for my family, I doubted Elsie and I would have been as okay as we were. Between my sister and my mother, I knew the . . . _girl _things would be covered. It would never be as good as having a mom, but Els loved her aunt and grandma.

"So, I just weave your hair together in a knot, right?" I asked, sitting back down behind her.

She giggled. "No, Daddy, that would be _bad_."

"Hmm, I'm not so sure about that. It could look pretty cool." I took her hair in my hands, musing it up before she pulled away and turned her head, glaring at me.

"Please do it right."

"I was kidding," I chuckled, turning her head straight. "Now, sit still or you _will _wind up with a knot and we'll have to just cut it all off."

"No!" she shrieked. "I have pretty hair, like Mommy."

I smiled to myself. "Yes, you do, baby. You look just like Mommy."

She did, though my parents said she looked more like me, except her big blue eyes that were clearly from Tanya. She was a beautiful little girl — the most beautiful little girl in the world, actually. Though I was proud of what I did for a living, _she _was by far the best thing I'd ever done. She was the most precious gift in the world, and I thank God she hadn't been taken from me along with Tanya.

I wouldn't have been able to live if she had.

"Okay, all done," I said, tying the hair band around the second braid I'd done. "Do you want to play before bedtime?"

She felt the braids as she turned her head and smiled. "Yes, will you play with me?"

"I would love to." I grinned. "Legos by any chance?"

She laughed. "No, Daddy. I don't like those."

Damn. I really hoped that gift would have been used, mostly so I didn't have to play with dolls anymore. I would, though. It was rare she asked me to play with her anymore — instead opting to play one of her computer games — so I took the chance to spend a little more time with her.

* * *

After the just downright thrilling time of brushing out Elsie's doll's hair, I got her into bed and laid down beside her, reading a book to her. We'd started the _Harry Potter _books a few weeks ago. She'd read without me, so I picked up where her bookmark was. It was good that I'd kept it in its place, though, because she was out like a light soon enough.

"Sleep well, baby girl," I said, tucking the blankets around her before kissing her forehead. "I love you."

I turned the lights off on my way out and pulled her door partially closed before heading back downstairs to grab my laptop. I still had some work to do, so I headed into my home office. As I typed, the picture of Tanya, Elsie, and I caught my eye. It was our very first picture together at the hospital. My wife had been gorgeous woman, but never more so than in this picture.

"I miss you, Tan," I said, lifting it up and leaning back in my chair. "I'm doing good by our daughter, right? I just . . . I don't think she _needs _a therapist. I should be the one helping her, not relying on someone else to. I listen to Mom, usually. Els talks to me, so it's not like I'm making her suffer in silence. I just want her to be okay. Then again, maybe _I'm _the one that's not okay. I'm talking to a damn picture, after all."

I sighed, shaking my head as I put it back and went back to my work. I always wondered what Tanya would think of how I was raising our daughter. I'd tried to do right by her, but I knew many of the decisions I'd made weren't ones Tanya would agree with. What could I do, though? Tanya was gone, so I couldn't ask her to help me make the tough decisions — like taking Elsie to a shrink. As much as Els was my whole world, she had been Tanya's too.

Our daughter had been a complete surprise to us. Tanya had literally just gotten her first job with a news station after graduating when she found out she was pregnant. She was a journalist and had dreams of anchoring, but she gave them up for Els. She didn't have to, but there was nothing she wanted more than to be a mom. The timing wasn't quite right, but there was never any question about it. While I finished school and my fellowship, Tanya stayed home with our daughter and she loved every minute of it.

I'd never understand how she put our daughter's life in danger by not giving that man anything he wanted. She was so fiercely protective that it made no sense to me, but I watched the surveillance video from the parking lot, and it was as clear as day that she'd refused the man while our little girl was standing right beside her. It infuriated me that she'd done that, and I doubted I'd ever be able to forgive her for it. I loved her and always would, but forgiving her was a completely different matter.

I finally finished my work around eleven, and then I showered before checking on Elsie. She was sleeping peacefully, so after tucking the blankets back around her that she'd pushed off, I headed to bed. I'd just closed my eyes before a horrifying scream made me jump out of bed.

I quickly ran to Elsie's room and found her thrashing around on the bed. I sat down beside her, pulling her into my arms as I said her name over and over, getting her to wake up. And wake up she did, crying her eyes out as she clutched onto me.

"Shhh, I've got you, Els," I said, rocking her gently.

"Mommy," she cried, breaking my damn heart.

"I know," I sighed. "It's over now. Calm down, baby."

She continued to sob, holding onto me for dear life. I did all I could, which really wasn't much. I told her I loved her, that everything was okay, and to just calm down. She worked herself up into a panic, and I just . . . I knew.

She hadn't reacted this badly to a nightmare in some time, and I couldn't let them continue to get worse anymore. It was time to swallow my own pride and admit I'd failed. I couldn't make Elsie better, so maybe someone else could.

Once I'd gotten her calmed down and put her in my bed, she fell back asleep — it took a good hour, though. I left my room, heading back into my office and found the list Mom had given me, zeroing in on one name.

"Isabella Swan, I hope you can help us," I sighed, plugging the number into my phone for tomorrow morning.

* * *

**A/N: **I am in complete _awe_ of the response to this little plot bunny! I can't thank you all enough for giving this a shot and reviewing! It really does mean the world to me.

I'm sure you all think Edward should have gotten Elsie help right away after the first chapter, but sometimes people need to _really_ see things before taking action. He's a father and his biggest priority in life is to care for his little girl. Now he realizes he can't do it alone.

Again, thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, alerting, and putting this story in your favorites! I'll be updating again next week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Massive thank you **to BookwormBaby2580 and MelissaMargaret for beta'ing.

**Thanks,** Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Vanessa, Marita, and twicrazreader for pre-reading and indulging my craziness.

**I do not own 'Twilight' or any characters from it. I just play with them.**

* * *

"Hey, man, today's the day, huh?" Jasper asked, sitting down in front of my desk as I finished the last of my paperwork for the day. "Esme wanted me to make sure you're okay. You are okay, right?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I sighed, exchanging one chart with another. "I'm sure Mom expects a text or call from you, so tell her I'm fine and I'll call her once we're done."

He frowned, shifting in the leather chair. "It's the right thing to do. In all honesty, you probably should have done this much earlier. Elsie needs some help that you can't provide and there's no shame in that. It's like taking her to the pediatrician when she's sick."

"She's not _sick,_" I scoffed, glaring at him. "It's nothing like that, so please stop . . . doing whatever the hell it is you're doing. I'm fine, Elsie's fine, and hopefully this doctor can help us be even better. You can tell Mom you did what she asked you to do."

"I'm not only in here because of Esme. I'm worried too, and I'm _really _glad you're finally accepting help for Els. She's my niece and you're my best friend."

I sighed, putting my pen down and scrubbing my hands over my face. For the past week since I'd made the appointment for Elsie, _everyone _in my family had been acting like this. Hell, even Dad had decided to stop by the house last night on his way home so we could talk. This _was _a big deal — I understood that — but what they were doing wasn't helping. I was already scared to death about what Dr. Swan might say and the reassurances that this was 'the right thing' just made me even more nervous.

"What if I've done irreversible damage to my daughter by waiting so long?" I asked, looking back up at him.

"I don't think you have. Just . . . stop thinking like that, all right?"

I nodded, though I knew I couldn't stop thinking about it.

"I have a patient, so I've got to go, but I'll see you tomorrow." He stood up and held his hand out. "Good luck, Edward."

Once he'd left my office, my mind went straight back to thinking of the damage I'd done by not getting help for Elsie sooner. It'd been cowardly of me not to admit there was a huge problem that I couldn't fix. I could see that now, which only made me feel worse about putting this off. I thought I could make it better. I thought maybe I just needed to spend more time with her, reassure her, and show that I loved her and wasn't going anywhere.

Obviously, that didn't work. After the nightmare last week, I'd made the appointment first thing in the morning. My mother's recommendation of Dr. Isabella Swan was glowing, and she had all the requirements in her education that I was looking for. Whether or not she was really as good as my mom said remained to be seen, but I'd find that out today at three-thirty.

I really wasn't happy about having to wait a week for the appointment, but I understood she just didn't have an opening right away. That didn't make my irritation any less, though. Els had had two more nightmares since I'd made the appointment, and I was worried. I'd always known she could remember that night in vivid detail, but when she'd told me how these latest nightmares were different, I felt so awful. She'd dreamed I was there with them that night, and I'd been killed too.

I was all she had left now, and she was so terrified of losing me.

* * *

When the clock struck two-thirty, I packed up my things and left the office. I'd rescheduled all of my appointments for this afternoon because I didn't want there to be a chance I'd be late picking Elsie up from school. When I'd told her about going to see someone, she was so confused.

"I don't get it," she had said, sitting next to me on the couch. "If she's like Nana, why can't I just talk to Nana?"

"Because Nana's patients aren't related to her and Nana only talks to adults. This woman helps kids."

"I need help?"

Goddamn it. I never wanted Els to think there was something wrong with her. It broke my heart, actually. All I wanted was for her to just be okay, and not have to deal with any of this. "Yes, baby," I'd said, pulling her into my lap. "But there's _nothing _wrong with you. Sometimes, when bad things happen, it's nice to talk to someone. It makes us feel better. This woman, Dr. Swan, talks to kids to comfort them through the bad times. Hopefully, she can help with your nightmares."

She'd sighed, nodding. "I don't wanna have any more nightmares. I guess if she'll make them go away, I'll talk to her. You'll be there, right?"

"Yes, and if you don't like her, we'll find someone else. I love you. You know that, right?"

"I love you more." She'd smiled before sitting up to kiss my cheek.

That was not a conversation I'd ever wanted to have again. The look on her face when she'd asked if she needed help about killed me. My daughter didn't deserve this life that she was living. In a perfect world, Tanya would still be here and my baby would be an average seven year old. Her biggest concern would be whether or not I'd let her have ice cream.

* * *

"Hey, sweet girl," I said, standing outside of my car as Elsie came walking up to me from the school building. I kneeled down and kissed her cheek before taking her bag. "How was your day?"

She shrugged lightly and smiled. "It was okay. Are we still going to the doctor's office?"

"Yes, are you okay with that?" I opened the back door for her and she climbed in, getting settled in her booster seat and pulling the seatbelt over her.

"I guess so. I wish we didn't have to go, though."

"Me too, Els, but it'll be all right. How about we go out to dinner afterwards? Anywhere you want."

"I'd like that, Daddy." She smiled before I closed the back door and headed upfront.

During our drive back into Seattle, Elsie asked me about the doctor and what kinds of thing would happen. Mom had assured me that today's appointment would be about getting to know Dr. Swan and we wouldn't really get into anything. She'd probably want to speak to me alone first before sitting down with Elsie. That offered me a little peace of mind. I could explain to her what Els went through, so she wouldn't have to yet.

I hated the thought of her having to relive that experience, but I knew it'd come sooner or later.

"Have you thought about what you want for dinner?" I asked, looking in the rear view mirror as we were stopped at a light.

"Um . . . I don't know where, but I want chicken fingers," she said.

I chuckled. "Well, I'll make sure you get chicken fingers, then. How about a milkshake, too?"

"Yes! A chocolate one with _two _cherries! And you should get two too, so I have 'em," she giggled, grinning.

Honestly, I'd give her anything in the world after this appointment. Maybe we could start a bit of a routine after the therapy session as a reward of some sort. I'd think that'd be all right, but maybe I should ask the doctor.

After parking in the garage under the building, Elsie held my hand and pressed the elevator button to go up to the sixth floor. For the most part she seemed all right, but it was easy to tell she was nervous. She chewed on her cheek and fidgeted as we walked down the hallway.

Dr. Swan's office was located in a nice building downtown near the hospital — only a few blocks from my office. When we got to the suite and I opened the door, I was met with a colorful, clearly child-friendly office. I took a step through, but Elsie didn't budge, so I kneeled down in front of her.

"It's okay, baby," I said, caressing her cheek. "Come here."

I lifted her in my arms and she buried her face in the crook of my neck. For a seven year old, she was on the small side in height and weight — taking after Tanya, clearly — so it was no difficulty at all to carry her. I walked up to the desk and was greeted by a young blonde.

"Hi, I'm Kate," she said, smiling pushing a clipboard toward me. "You must be Elsie, right?"

I nodded, scribbling my daughter's name and appointment time down. "She's nervous."

She took the clipboard and passed me another. "Understandable. Just go ahead and fill out those forms for me, and I'll let Bella know you're here."

I cocked my brow at the unprofessional version of her name and took the clipboard, heading over to the small couch. I'd never let my employees call me Edward . . . It was just unprofessional in the office setting. Then again, Dr. Swan wasn't a _real _doctor, so I guess it didn't matter much.

"I have to fill this out, all right?" I asked Els, trying to pry her hands from around my neck. "You can sit in my lap, but I have to write."

She nodded, letting me go and settling against me, keeping her head tucked against my chest. I didn't blame her for being frightened. If I could, I'd bury my head in sand until all of these problems went away.

I quickly filled out the forms, answering all the usual questions about Elsie's health and insurance information. It was odd there were no questions about why we were here, though. Once I turned in the forms, it wasn't long before I heard the door open.

I had my head down, kissing Els's forehead when a woman asked, "Elsie Cullen?"

I looked up, finding a thin, brunette woman standing in the doorway. She smiled warmly, though her brow was creased as she looked at Els in my lap.

"Baby, it's okay, remember? Let's go meet Dr. Swan." I stood up, making Elsie stand on her own, though her hand was tightly clasped in mine.

"I'm Dr. Bella," she said, holding her hand out for Elsie. "It's so nice to meet you, sweetheart."

"Hi," Els whispered, looking down at the floor and choosing not to shake the doctor's hand.

"Dr. Edward Cullen," I said, holding my hand out.

She nodded, smiling. "It's good to meet you. Come, let's go to my office."

She led us down the hall, past three other doors before stopping and motioning for us to go in. The room was bright, featuring light blue walls with framed drawings. She had a large chair facing a couch, then a desk in the far corner — which was decorated with obviously child-made sculptures — and toys in another corner.

"Look at the butterflies, Elsie," I said, pointing out the wall hanging as she sat down on the couch. She loved butterflies, so I hoped maybe they would distract her from what was really going on here.

Her eyes widened slightly at the painted figures as she moved closer to me once I sat down.

"Do you like butterflies?" Bella asked, sitting down in front of us in the chair. "Personally, I love them. They're so pretty, right?"

Els nodded, but remained silent.

"She's nervous," I said.

"Of course, and that's completely normal, Elsie. Today is just about getting to know each other, all right? We won't do _anything _you don't want to do. Let's start with the basics, okay? Like I said, I'm Dr. Bella or just Bella, if you prefer, and I'm here to help you. This is a safe place. Did your daddy explain what I do?"

"You're like Nana," Elsie said, looking at her hands in her lap. "You talk to people and make them better. You're gonna stop my nightmares."

"I'm going to help you. It's all a process, though. We can't make things better in one day, so we'll see each other often, as long as you're comfortable with me. Do you want to ask me anything?"

"No."

Bella sighed, but nodded. "Well, do you mind if I talk to your daddy? There's a room right next door with lots of toys. You can go play, and then we'll all talk a little more."

Elsie looked up at me as her bottom lip quivered. "You said you'd stay with me."

"I know, but you're just going right next door," I said. "We'll be quick, and remember that we're going for chicken fingers and milkshakes after this."

"Oh, that sounds good," Bella said. "Are chicken fingers your favorite?"

Elsie shrugged. "I like pizza better, but we can only have that on Fridays. I ask for it more, but Daddy says no."

Bella laughed softly. "Well, Fridays are pizza night. I think it tastes better on Friday, so you're not missing much. I like pepperoni. What about you?"

A small smile formed on Elsie's lips. "That's my favorite. With extra cheese, too."

"Of course! You can't forget the extra cheese!"

"So, do I have to go play?"

Bella nodded. "Just for a little bit. You can come back to your daddy _very _soon. I'll walk you over and show you my favorite toys."

She stood and held her hand out as Els slid off of the couch. I was a little surprised when Elsie took her hand, but maybe that meant she was loosening up some? She'd always been shy, but how she acted when we got here was completely abnormal. It was like I could _feel _her fear.

I fucking _hated _this.

It wasn't until about five minutes later that Bella came back into the room, closing the door behind her. "I promise she's safe in there," she said. "We have a computer, so I set up a puzzle game for her."

I nodded, clearing my throat. "She loves puzzles."

She grabbed a notepad before sitting back down in front of me. "So, what made you bring her into me?"

"Um . . . her mother died two years ago."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

I nodded. "Yeah. She actually witnessed it . . . watched as Tanya was shot. We've been doing all right and my mom has helped a lot, so I didn't want to make her see a shrink. I didn't want her to feel . . . different, you know? She's just been getting worse, though. She's had nightmares since then, but after the first few months, they didn't come as frequent. I'm there for her. We talk and she tells me what's going through her head, so I didn't think this was necessary. I thought I could fix it, but I was wrong. I probably did irreversible damage, actually."

"Children are incredibly resilient, but it's good that you finally realized you couldn't do this on your own. That kind of traumatic event is just _awful_. Can you tell me about her?"

I told her all about Elsie — how smart she was, how much she loved animals, her favorite things to do, and how even after what she witnessed, she was still a fairly happy child. Of course, that wasn't what Bella wanted to know, though. I struggled telling her what all was wrong with my child. I hated it, actually. I told her about the nightmares, about how she didn't like being away from me, how she would react so quickly to normal things, thinking something bad would happen, how she'd panic, and how she only slept well when I was with her.

"Does she act out aggressively?" Bella asked, writing everything I'd said down.

I shook my head. "No, not at all. She's very timid."

"And you said she doesn't like being away from you. Would you say she tends to act younger than her age?"

I sighed. "Uh . . . maybe? She's clingy, I guess you could say."

She nodded. "You've described to me many of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder in children. I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but from what you've told me, I would diagnose her as that. Of course I won't say for sure until I've had a chance to talk to her. When did most of these symptoms appear?"

"Oh . . . not right away. It's been steadily getting worse. Right after it happened she was quiet for a few weeks, and then we fell into a normal routine. She started talking more, acting more like herself, and I thought she'd be okay. Like I said, the nightmares were _really _bad right after, but slowed down in frequency until just recently. She'd have maybe a few a month, but now it's more like a few every week. She doesn't sleep well unless I let her sleep with me, but I'd tried to stop that because of my mom. She said I'm hindering her. Am I?"

"I wouldn't say hinder, but she does need to learn to sleep on her own again. That'll come in time. Does she sleep with you every night?"

I shook my head. "No, just when she has a nightmare. I've told her she can't do it just because she wants to."

"Good, you're setting limits." She smiled, putting the pad of paper down and checking her watch. "We've been here for close to an hour, so I'm going to go get her. Next session, I'll want to speak with her alone."

"No."

She cocked her head. "For me to help her, she has to know she can talk to me about anything without fear that I'd tell you. If you're here, she can't."

"Look, I'm not leaving her alone with you," I said, narrowing my eyes. "I'm her father, so I need to be a part of this."

"That's not how this works, Dr. Cullen," she said, her voice a little sharper and a hell of a lot less calming. "All three of us have to trust each other for this to work. If she's ever in danger, I will tell you and I'll make sure you know if she's making progress or we need to work on something specifically, but everything else is up to her."

"How can I trust you, though? I don't know you. She's my kid, so I _need _to know what's going on."

"You can ask her what's going on. If she specifically asks for you to be with her, I'll allow it, but she may want to hide things from you. This is about _her_, not you."

I scoffed. "I never said it was about _me_."

I was really beginning to dislike this woman. Who was she to tell me I couldn't be in these sessions? Els didn't know her. Ididn't know her. I wasn't just leaving my daughter with some stranger, hoping she'd help her. I wanted to know _exactly _what she planned on doing.

"Then let me help her the way I know how to help her," she said.

"And how is that? Are you going to have her play with you until she spills her guts?"

"Don't pretend you know how I do my job."

I'd offended her. Good, because she'd offended me. I wasn't making this about myself. It was completely reasonable for me to want to know what was going on. It was my right as Elsie's father.

"Then tell me your plan."

"I plan to talk to her, get to know her, bring things up slowly when I feel she's comfortable with talking, and yes, I do plan to use toys in some circumstances. I'll also allow her to draw or paint, if I feel that would be a good technique. Does that satisfy you, Dr. Cullen?" She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at me.

"It will if it works."

"Good, then I'll go get her."

I didn't miss the roll of her eyes as she stood, but I chose not to say anything. I really wasn't sure about this woman — in fact, she got on my nerves — but I figured I'd give her a few sessions. If she did nothing to help Elsie, I'd find someone else.

"Hey, baby," I said as Elsie came back into the room, hurrying over to me. "Did you have fun with the game?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but you said you'd be quick. That wasn't quick."

"I'm sorry, sweet girl," I said, lifting her up and putting her in my lap. "We're about done, though, all right? Then we'll go get your chicken fingers."

She smiled. "Okay."

Bella sat back down in front of us and put on another smile. "So, now that your daddy and I have talked, I think it's time for you to go. I'd like to see you next week, if that's okay with your daddy."

I nodded. "Weekly sessions?"

"For now. When we see each other next week, Elsie, I'd like just you and me to talk. Would you be okay with that? Maybe we can put Daddy in the toy room."

Els giggled. "He wouldn't like that. Do I have to talk to you alone?"

"It's up to you," I said, giving a pointed look at Bella.

"I just want to get to know you a little better. I really think I can help you, if you give me the chance."

"Okay," Elsie said. "I want the nightmares to go away."

I held her a little closer, kissing her cheek. "Hopefully Bella can help with that."

Bella smiled, nodding as she stood up. "I'd certainly like to. It was nice meeting you, Elsie."

She held her hand out, and this time, Elsie shook it. "You too. Now can we get chicken fingers and milkshakes?"

"Of course, baby." I grinned, standing up and taking her hand.

Once we walked out to the front, Kate set up appointments for us over the next few weeks. We'd come in every Tuesday at three-thirty. I honestly didn't know if this would help, but I wasn't going to stop in case it did.

This was for Els, so I'd put up with Bella . . . for now.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! I'm still blown away by your support! I know Edward seems like a bit of an ass right now, but I hope you'll give him a chance.

I'll see you again later next week!


	4. Chapter 4

**Massive thank you **to BookwormBaby2580 and MelissaMargaret for beta'ing.

**Thanks,** Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Vanessa, Marita, and twicrazreader for pre-reading and indulging my craziness.

**I do not own 'Twilight' or any characters from it. I just play with them.**

* * *

"She looks happy," Dad said, smiling as he flipped the steaks on the grill.

We were watching Elsie and her younger cousin Peter play with Jasper in the yard, chasing each other during a game of tag — Jasper was it. It was the first Saturday in October, so my parents wanted to do one last barbecue before the weather became too cold. I usually dreaded these family get to togethers because I felt like the odd man out, but today wasn't too bad. Els was having fun, and that was all I really cared about.

"She's been doing all right," I said, lowering my beer. "That session really wasn't anything to her, you know? I'm more worried about Tuesday. I just . . . I don't like the idea of leaving her alone with the doctor."

"You had to know she'd need to speak with Els alone, Edward. It's her job, but I do understand that you're worried. I'm sure it'll go fine, though. This woman built her career helping children, and your mom wouldn't have recommended her if she didn't think highly of her."

I sighed, nodding. "Yeah, I know. She just rubbed me the wrong way, I guess. I've decided to give her a few sessions, and if I feel she's not helping Elsie, I'll take her to someone else."

"That's a good idea, though you may not see a difference very quickly. It all takes time. How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "All right, I guess."

He looked up, cocking his brow. "No more employees quit on you recently?"

"Jesus, no, and I did what Mom said, okay? To be fair, she was incompetent, so I should have fired her anyway."

"She'd been there for two weeks."

Yeah . . . he may have had a point.

"And the woman before her a month," he added.

I rolled my eyes, lifting my beer for another sip. I saved all of my patience for my kid, so how could I be expected to put up with idiots who couldn't complete basic tasks? "Well, the new receptionist seems all right."

"I'll give her two months in the pool, then," he chuckled. I cocked my head, narrowing my eyes. "Jasper's idea, not mine."

"He's an ass," I mumbled, setting my beer down on the railing. "And I'm going to grab my kid, since Jasper can't, apparently."

I hurried down the deck steps and ran into the yard, catching Elsie as she tried to get away from Jasper. She squealed loudly, trying to wiggle out of my grasp.

"That's not fair!" she giggled. "Uncle Jasper's it, not _you_."

"Well, he looked like he needed some help," I said, hoisting her up and kissing her cheek. "Having fun?"

She nodded, smiling. "Yep, but I'm hungry. Is Papa done yet?"

"I sure am, sweetheart," Dad said as I carried her back up onto the deck — Jasper following behind us with Peter. "Go wash up, and then we'll eat."

I put Els down and she ran inside with Peter behind her. My nephew was a year younger than Elsie, but they were close. She loved spending time and playing with him, and I hoped it'd stay that way as they got older. She'd never have a sibling like Tanya and I planned to give her one day, so he was the closest she'd get. She was the same for him, too.

My sister had had a difficult pregnancy — one we'd almost lost her because of, actually. She'd given birth to Peter at thirty-two weeks and, unfortunately, had needed a hysterectomy to save her life. It'd been a few scary days, wondering if my sister and nephew would pull through, and Jasper had been a complete mess. Tanya and I had lived in Baltimore at the time — where I'd completed my fellowship — but I flew back to Seattle immediately to be with him.

Jasper and I had gone to dentistry school together and were good friends, so I'd brought him home with me one year for Thanksgiving since his family had other plans. He and my sister hit it off right away, and he moved to Seattle the moment he'd completed school. When he had been afraid he might lose his family, I'd spent days with him, trying to keep him sane until Alice finally woke up.

When I'd lost Tanya, he had been there for me like I'd been there for him. He'd handled our practice, come over every day, and even coaxed Elsie to talk before anyone else could. He was a great friend and brother-in-law. The best, actually.

* * *

"So, I had an idea," Alice said, cutting up Peter's steak as I did Elsie's. "Mom and I haven't spent alone time with Els lately, so maybe this weekend the three of us could have a girl's day. Would you mind?"

Weekends were precious to me when it came to Elsie. Whether we just spent the day at home, near each other or went and did something, it was a time when she had my undivided attention. Unless I was on call, I didn't have to worry about work, so there were no time constraints or even a bedtime for her — though she'd usually fall asleep pretty early anyway.

I didn't want to keep her from having fun, though, so the look on her face convinced me she should go. "No, I think that'd be fine," I said.

"Great!" Alice said. "How about we have a little spa day, Els?"

Elsie's head bobbed up and down quickly. "I'd like that! Can I get my nails painted?"

"Of course, sweet girl," Mom said, smiling. "And your toes, too."

I couldn't help but chuckle at the grin on Els's face. Hair I could do, but nails? Hell no. That was something I'd left strictly up to my sister, though I didn't care for it anyway. Seven was too young for that, in my opinion, but it wasn't like I would forbid it.

As we enjoyed dinner, Elsie and Peter told us _all _about school. While Els usually liked school, Peter hated it. I'd swear to god that he was a miniature Alice in Jasper's body. He wasn't happy that he hadn't got to go to the zoo like Elsie had, and he made that fact well known.

"You get to go next year," Els said. "It was a lot more fun to go with Daddy, though. I didn't get to see the tigers for very long."

"We'll have to go again soon, then," I said. "And how about we bring Peter, too?"

"Peas, Uncle E?" Peter begged, bouncing in his seat. "I wanna go! Mommy, can I go?"

Alice laughed, nodding. "Of course, honey. Now, stop bouncing and _eat_."

* * *

Elsie and I spent the entire evening at my parents' house. Alice, Jasper, and Peter had left around seven, but Els and Mom started baking brownies, so it wasn't like I could interrupt that.

"If you keep licking that spatula, you're going to get sick," I said, smirking as I sat at the bar with Dad, watching Elsie and Mom put together the batter.

Els shook her head, grinning. "Nah-uh. It's _sooo _yummy."

I leaned over the counter, plucking it from her hand. Her expression was one of pure shock, but then she narrowed her eyes and scowled at me as I licked a little. "Yep, it's pretty good," I chuckled.

"Daddy!" she whined.

I handed her back the spatula, which only had a small amount left, and she yanked it out of my hand. "I'm sorry, but you made it look so good. I'm pretty sure no one makes better brownies than you and Nana."

She nodded, laying the spatula down after finishing it off. "Yep, they're the best. Nana?"

"Yes, sweetie?" Mom asked, turning back around after putting the pan in the oven.

"Can I bring some to Dr. Bella?"

I cocked my brow as Mom smiled and nodded, telling her it was a great idea. Personally, I didn't think the woman really deserved the brownies, and I didn't understand why Els wanted her to have them. It wasn't like she'd done anything for her yet. They hadn't even talked really. But Elsie was the kind of kid who'd ask me to give money to a homeless person if we passed them on the street or would even give her own weekly allowance away if she still had it.

She was giving, and I loved that about her.

As the brownies baked, Elsie took Dad's iPad hostage and played _Angry Birds _while I discussed my schedule with my parents. To be honest, I relied on my family more than I probably should have, but they never minded. Alice had no issues with picking Elsie up from school with Peter, and my parents were very accommodating with letting her spend the night with them if I had to be at the hospital.

"I've made sure to block Tuesday afternoons for appointments," I said, looking at the schedule on my phone. "If I'm on call, though, I might have issues with Elsie's appointments. Should I not take her or what?"

"Always take her, Edward," Mom said. "If you can't stay during the appointment, call me and I'll come and bring her home once she's done. I know Bella, so I doubt there would be any issues, but let her know that the scenario is possible."

I nodded, scratching the back of my neck as I sighed. Els wasn't in the room, so I wanted to take a moment to ask Mom some questions. "Is Bella . . . she won't force Elsie to talk, right? If she wants me, Bella can't keep her from me, right?"

She shook her head, smiling sympathetically as she reached for my hand. "She wouldn't do that. Sweetheart, you're going to have to trust her. She has Elsie's best interest at heart, and she won't do _anything _to hurt her. There won't be any pressure. I know you want nothing more than to act as though she doesn't need this, but she does."

"I know, but I don't know Bella. I can't stand the thought of leaving her alone with my daughter."

"I can't imagine how terrifying it is, son," Dad said. "If it were you or Alice . . ." he shook his head, "I'd be beside myself. I'm worried for Elsie too, but I trust that this woman will help her."

Mom smiled. "If anyone can, it's Bella. She's _wonderful_."

I cocked my brow. "What all do you know about her anyway?"

I was curious, actually. Why was Bella on the top of Mom's recommendation list? What had she done to deserve my mother's praise? Had she written articles I should read? Made breakthroughs in her field?

"What you know, basically," she said. "She's well educated, well respected in her field, and I've never heard a bad word about her. When I've spent time with her at conferences, she was nothing but sweet. Her mind was on her work, and that's all. I've recommended her to my own patients who have children, and they said she was fantastic with them and very easy to work with."

Huh, she was quite rude to me, so I certainly didn't understand that last part. Then again, I _may _have been a little defensive and, well, an asshole. Honestly, I didn't care much, though. If being an asshole meant Els had the best care possible, I would gladly keep doing it. Bella would either be able handle it or not. If she couldn't, then obviously she wasn't right for Elsie.

* * *

"Are you sure I won't feel anything?" my seventeen-year-old patient asked, looking up at me nervously.

I shook my head, pulling on gloves so I could start her IV. "I'm positive you won't. Once I start the anesthesia, you'll be out cold. You'll go to sleep then wake up, asking when I'm going to start."

I'd had my fair share of anxious patients, and this girl was the same as the rest. I may not have been the most empathetic and caring employer, but my patients were different — especially the teens and children. I'd gladly sit here and try to ease her fears as long as she needed. Her wisdom teeth were impacted, so the procedure was more complicated than just pulling them. It was understandable that she was nervous. It was like second nature to me, though. I'd be done in less than an hour and the pain she'd been suffering almost constantly would soon disappear.

"Okay . . . I guess I'm ready then," she said as I smiled, tying the tourniquet above her elbow. "Will I be in a lot of pain afterwards? I know you've explained it all, Dr. Cullen, but . . . I'm _really _tired of being in pain. I don't want anymore."

"Well, I won't lie and say all the pain will be gone, but I'm giving you some pretty good drugs," I chuckled and she cracked a smile. "It's just a little more pain before you never have to worry about it again. Ready?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Thank you."

"You're welcome," I said, gently inserting the IV before preparing the sedative. As I administered it, I watched her heart rate on the monitor to be sure there weren't any adverse reactions. She was fine, so once she was under, I prepped for the procedure.

"It's so nice out today," Maggie, my assistant said as I began working. "You took the afternoon off, didn't you? Any plans to enjoy the weather while it lasts?"

"Elsie has an appointment, but afterwards, I might take her to the park," I said, holding my hand out for the instrument she quickly placed in it.

I had multiple assistants, but Maggie was by far the most competent. She'd been with me since I bought into Eleazar Denali's practice a few years ago. She had known me before I lost Tanya and probably saw how I'd changed, but she wasn't fearful of me like the other employees.

"That sounds nice," she said, passing me an instrument I'd asked for. "How is she, by the way? Doing well in school, I hope?"

I nodded, grinning under my mask. I'd gotten a progress report yesterday from Elsie's teachers, and she had wonderful grades — not all As, but close. Honestly, I didn't expect her to be doing as well as she was, even though she enjoyed school. She'd only been in school for a month and a half and had missed a few days, but it hadn't hurt her, thankfully.

"She's doing wonderfully," I said, leaving out the fact that she was seeing a psychologist. I didn't want anyone besides my family to know. It still made me feel like a failure for needing to turn to someone for help with my own child.

After a couple of good nights, another nightmare had forced Elsie to sleep with me again last night. I'd been woken up by her screaming and it took a good while to calm her down. As much as it affected me — which it _really _did — I knew it was even worse for her. I could deal with her fear of abandonment, of the dark, of loud noises, and of people she didn't know, but the screaming? It killed me because I could just imagine the images she saw in her nightmares to make her scream like that.

I _never _wanted her to see that, though she actually had.

After finishing the surgery and waking my patient up, I ran through the list of post-op instructions and released her. She was my last patient of the day, so I spent the rest of my time at the office working on charts. Tomorrow I had two surgeries scheduled at the hospital — both of which would be long and tedious — so I wanted to get things done today. When the clock struck two, I packed up what I had left to do at home and left to get Elsie from school.

I wasn't looking forward to this appointment and neither was she. She'd asked me if she really had to see Bella again today this morning, and a big part of me wanted to tell her no. I couldn't do that, though, so I promised I'd stay with her if she wanted.

"Do you want to go to the park later?" I asked, holding Elsie's hand as we walked through the parking garage.

She shrugged her tiny shoulders, not looking up at me. "I guess so."

"We can feed the ducks." I smiled, hoping for a reaction. I didn't get one, though, so I just sighed and let it go. She had been fine last week after her appointment, so I hoped today would be the same way. If Bella had her way, I knew it wouldn't be, though.

"She's gonna make me talk about Mommy," Els said, burying her head into my side as we sat on the couch in the waiting room after checking in.

I rubbed her arm, ducking my head to kiss her forehead. "She won't make you do anything, sweet girl. If you're not ready, there's no rush. Maybe you two can just get to know each other today, okay? Maybe she likes tigers."

She nodded, letting out a sigh. "I just . . . I don't wanna talk about Mommy. Why can't she just make the nightmares go away? Why can't you?"

It felt like a knife went straight through my chest. If only she knew how _much _I wished I could. "Baby, if I could make the nightmares go away, we wouldn't be here. They don't work that way, though. It's going to be hard, but talking is how we work through things. When you trust her, I think you'll be more ready to talk."

"I know, Daddy."

Once Bella came out, Elsie and I followed her back to her office. I'd forgotten to bring the brownies Mom put aside for Bella like Els asked, but she hadn't mentioned them anyway. When I sat down on the couch, Elsie moved as close to me as possible and I didn't even have to tell Bella I wasn't leaving. I assumed she realized it by how Els clutched onto me as they spoke. Bella started off simple, asking if Elsie liked school, what her favorite subject was, what games she liked to play, and if she had any friends. There were a few girls she'd play with from time to time, but those were the girls she'd known since pre-kindergarten and I'd set those play dates up with the parents.

I wanted to tell Bella she was just shy, but I knew that wasn't the whole truth. I saw how the other third graders acted, and Els wasn't like them. She was very reserved and even her teacher had said she was a little concerned with how antisocial Elsie was.

"Now that I know a little about you, would you like to ask me some questions?" Bella asked, smiling brightly as she sat in front of us.

"Do you like tigers?" Elsie asked.

Bella nodded. "I do. They're very pretty."

"Daddy likes lions better, but I don't get it."

I chuckled lowly, shaking my head. This debate would never end. Honestly, I didn't care for either one.

Bella looked at me, cocking her brow. "Lions, Dr. Cullen? You pick lions over tigers?"

I shrugged. "I know. I'm in the minority, apparently."

"I like kittens, too," Els said. "Do you have any cats? Daddy says I can't have one yet, but maybe someday."

"I don't have any pets right now, but I'd love to get a kitten eventually."

The next fifteen minutes passed with the two of them talking about nothing important. Elsie was loosening up some and Bella took notice, so she asked Els if she'd mind if I waited outside for the rest of the appointment. _I _minded, but it seemed my daughter wasn't as scared as she was when we had gotten here. After a hug that lasted a little longer than it should have, I headed out to the waiting room — more anxious than I'd been in a long time.

As I sat in the chair, my leg bounced up and down quickly as I watched the clock tick by slowly. I wondered what Bella was asking my daughter, if she was upsetting her, pushing her too hard, or if their conversation was staying light. I knew full well that discussing the root of Els' issues would begin the long process of getting her better, but I dreaded what would come of that.

She'd get worse before she got better.

I wasn't naive enough to believe that talking about what happened would magically make things better. It'd be hard on my daughter, and I didn't want her to have to suffer anymore. The fact was, though, that she'd suffered every day I hadn't gotten her help.

When I heard the door open, I lifted my head, not sure what I'd find. Thankfully, Elsie wasn't crying, but she didn't look happy, either. I quickly stood, meeting them both in the doorway.

"I just need a minute alone with you, Dr. Cullen," Bella said. "I'll see you next week, Elsie. Think about what we talked about, all right?"

Els nodded. "Okay."

I watched Elsie sit down in one of the chairs before stepping through the doorway with Bella as she closed the door behind us. "We didn't discuss anything yet," she started. "I just explained a few emotions and asked her to spend the week thinking about which ones she feels. I gave her a chart and notebook, so she can write it down. I really need you to support her with that. If you notice she's acting upset, scared, or angry, try to get her to explain what she's feeling using the chart. Emotions are difficult for young children to understand, so we need to start with helping her understand _what_ she's feeling before we can do anything else. Will you help with that?"

I nodded, finding that completely reasonable. "Of course. And, uh . . . her nightmares. Do you think there's _anything _I can do to try and prevent them?"

"I haven't discussed them with her yet, so I don't know if there are any triggers. Honestly, the best thing you can do right now is support and comfort her. Try to pay attention to how she is during the day — if there's anything different about her behavior before them or anything that might remind her of the trauma."

"I haven't noticed anything. It seems like they just come out of nowhere, but I'll pay closer attention. Anything else I need to do for her or help her with?"

She shook her head and smiled. "No, that's all. She mentioned you're taking her to the park after this, and I think that's a great idea. You're doing a wonderful job."

"Huh, doesn't feel like it sometimes," I sighed.

"I know this is difficult, but things _will _get better," she said, laying her hand against my arm. The feeling was oddly comforting, though I couldn't explain why. "Don't disparage your abilities as a father because of this. She made sure to tell me some of the things you do for her, and I'm so glad she has you. Some kids aren't as lucky."

I forced a small smile and nodded. "I do my best, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I really do hope you can help her, Bella. I'm sorry for being an ass, but I'm just trying to protect her. I've failed protecting her before, and I don't want to do it again."

"I know, Dr. Cullen, and I promise to do my best to help her. I understand trust takes time, but we have plenty of time to get there. I'll see you next week, but don't hesitate to call if you need anything. Take care."

"You too," I said, shaking her hand.

After stepping back through the door, I took Els' hand and we left the office. This wasn't going to be easy, but I had a glimmer of hope that Bella _could _help my daughter. It was just so hard to admit that I couldn't, but I needed to loosen my grip and face that fact.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you all _so_ much for your support! It truly means so much to me. I'm hoping to update again in about ten days, give or take a few.

For update information, you can follow me on twitter as anhanninen. I also send out a teaser a few days before updating.

Thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Massive thank you **to BookwormBaby2580 and MelissaMargaret for beta'ing.

**Thanks,** Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Vanessa, Lynzylee, Marita, and twicrazreader for pre-reading and indulging my craziness.

**I do not own 'Twilight' or any characters from it. I just play with them.**

* * *

"Call me if either of them has any complications, all right?" I asked, passing both of my charts back to the nurse.

"Of course, Dr. Cullen," the nurse said. "Have a good evening."

I'd had two major surgeries at the hospital today, but they were both early and the patients had done well, so I was able to get out by four. And considering the fact that it was Friday, I planned to make the most of my early day and take Elsie out for dinner and a movie.

She'd done so well the past week and a half. With a little help from me, she'd written in her journal for Bella every evening and even took it to school with her to write down when and why she was feeling anxious or upset. During her last session with Bella, the two of them spent most of the time alone. Apparently not much was done, but at least she was beginning to trust her therapist.

Even I was . . . somewhat.

The woman wasn't near as bad as I thought, to be honest. She'd talked to me after the session and gave me a brief summary of what they'd done — she'd had Els draw, actually. It wasn't the progress I wanted, but I knew I couldn't expect miracles, no matter how much I wanted to. Elsie was doing _okay_, which was better than she had been doing.

She hadn't had a nightmare in over a week and since we'd started going to Bella, there hadn't been any issues with coming home early from school. I had a great deal of hope that things were going to be okay, which I hadn't had in a long time.

"Leaving a little early, huh?" Dad asked, smiling as I stepped into the elevator with him.

I nodded. "Yeah, all of my post-op paperwork is done and my patients are doing well, so I figured I'd take advantage of it. I have to stop by my office on the way home, but I'm hoping to pick up Els from Alice's house and take her out tonight."

"I'm sure she'll enjoy that. How's my girl doing?"

I sighed, finding a smile form on my lips. "Good, actually. I'm a little afraid to be too hopeful, but she's done so well this past week. I know we'll have our ups and downs, but right now she's happy."

"Well, that's all that matters, son, and you should be hopeful. She's going to get better — it's just going to take some time." He clapped his hand over my shoulder for a brief moment before the doors opened. "This is me. I'll see you soon, all right? Give her a hug and kiss from me."

I nodded. "Of course. Have a good weekend."

"You too," he said, stepping out of the elevator.

Once I'd gotten down to the lobby, I walked through the hospital and toward the garage. I sent Alice a text, saying I'd be picking up Els in about forty-five minutes. I couldn't wait to get to my little girl and surprise her with going out. She loved our daddy-daughter dates, as she called them.

* * *

"Do I look pretty, Daddy?" Elsie asked as I tied the ribbon around her ponytail.

When I'd picked her up and told her we were going out, she _insisted _on getting dressed up. I was to wear my _nice _jacket and she just had to wear a dress — specifically the pink one with the black sash to match my jacket. Tonight, the movies were a special occasion, so I decided to call ahead for a reservation at a nice restaurant downtown to make it even better.

I just wanted to make her happy, so I'd gladly do anything for her.

"You look beautiful, baby," I said, kissing her temple before glancing at my watch. "Are you ready to go?"

She nodded, smiling brightly. Nothing made me happier than seeing that smile. "Uh-huh. Can I sit up front?"

I chuckled. "No, but I will let you pick what we listen to, all right?"

She shrugged, though the smile hadn't fallen. "Okay, I'll get my iPod."

As she grabbed her iPod, I headed downstairs and made sure the house was locked up. We left just before six and got to the restaurant right before our reservation. It was a ridiculously extravagant restaurant, but Elsie loved it. She was usually very shy and reserved — choosing to let me talk to everyone — but she went out of her way to make sure to tell our waitress that this was a special occasion.

"Is it your birthday?" the waitress asked, laughing softly.

Els shook her head. "No, Daddy just wanted to take me out. He said I could dress up and we'd go somewhere nice. We're having a daddy-daughter date."

The woman glanced over to me, smiling. "He sounds like a really good daddy."

"The best," Els said, grinning from ear to ear.

I ordered for us, making sure to find something simple that Els would like — chicken parmesan — and then we talked about her day. I decided not to ask how she was doing for fear that it could upset her. I just wanted her to have a nice evening and not think about her problems for once.

Our dinner was delicious and I indulged Els a bit more by letting her have one of the extravagant desserts. She didn't like it, though, so I promised to let her have some junk food at the movie theater. I swear to God, she was probably the happiest kid in the world tonight, which made me the happiest man — even though I had to sit through a god-awful Disney movie.

"Can we do this again?" she asked as I carried her to the car after the movie. "I like getting dressed up and going out with you."

"You just like it because I let you mix the milk duds in the popcorn," I chuckled.

She giggled, lifting her head off of my shoulder. "Yeah, but I like doing this. It made me happy."

I smiled as I hit my car key, unlocking the doors so I could get her in quickly. "It made me happy too, sweet girl. Of course we can do it again. Whenever you want, all right?"

Once I got her in the car and buckled into the booster seat, we headed home. It was way past when she usually went to bed, but I didn't care. Tonight was . . . one of the best nights we'd had in a _long _time. It was just what we needed.

By the time we got home, Elsie was passed out in the backseat, mumbling softly in her sleep. I had no clue what the hell she was saying, but it brought a smile to my face as I carried her inside and up to her bed. I didn't want to wake her, so I decided to just leave her in the dress and pull her shoes off.

"I love you so much, baby girl," I said, leaning down to kiss her forehead as I pulled the blankets up over her shoulders. "You'll never know how much you mean to me."

* * *

"What's going on, Els?" I asked, rubbing her back as she cried.

After our great weekend, something had set Els off tonight, but I didn't know what. I'd been in the kitchen making dinner while she was in the living room, watching TV because she'd done her homework last night. She came to find me with tears rolling down her cheeks, and I instantly sat her down, asking her what was wrong. She wouldn't tell me, though.

"Come on, baby," I sighed. "You have to help me here. Daddy can't help if he doesn't know what's wrong."

She threw herself into my chest as her sobs increased once more. I was at a loss and felt completely helpless — like I did every time something like this happened. Had she seen something on TV? I'd set it to the Disney channel, but maybe she changed it.

"It's all right, sweet girl," I said, wrapping her tightly in my arms as I kissed the top of her head. "Did you see something bad? Are you feeling sad? Angry? Scared?"

"S-scared," she cried.

Okay, that was a start. "You're not in _any _danger, Els. Daddy's got you. Can you tell me what scared you?"

She started to speak, but her words were interrupted by her gasps. She was having a panic attack and, sadly, it'd become such a routine to calm her down. Even though she tried to clutch onto me, I managed to get her turned around in my lap, so her back was against my chest. I put my hand over her chest, holding her close to me.

"Breathe in through your nose, count to three, and then out through your mouth, Elsie," I said softly in her ear. "Do it with me, okay? Ready?"

She nodded as a soft whine escaped her lips.

"Breathe in," I instructed, taking a breath through my nose with her as I counted to three. "And out slowly. Can you feel Daddy breathing?"

"Uh-huh," she gasped.

"Good, now in through your nose again."

It didn't happen instantly, of course, but she was able to calm down after I breathed with her for a little while. Like I said, this was routine for us, but it was never any less terrifying. I'd been so grateful that she'd done so well the past week, so I tried not to let this affect me. I knew she'd have bad days, but that didn't change the fact that I _hated _that she had to deal with this. Panic attacks were frightening. She felt like she couldn't breathe, that she was dying, and that it'd never be over. No one should have to deal with this, and certainly not _my _little girl.

Once she'd calmed down, I left her at the kitchen island to run into the living room. She had the TV on the news, so I assumed there must have been a story about a shooting or a death from some other violent means. I'd blocked many channels, and now I'd have to block this one, too. She probably didn't even mean to stumble upon it — just flipped through channels and found this.

She was a fragile little girl and I tried my best to protect her, but it didn't always happen.

After grabbing tissues from the downstairs bathroom, I went back into the kitchen and cleaned her up. She was still sniffling, but the sobs had died down. As she looked up at me with those big blue eyes, my heart felt like it was shattering into a million little pieces. I smiled through the pain I had for her, trying to make her feel better.

"There we go," I said, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. "Will you tell me what happened? Did you see something bad on the TV?"

Her bottom lip quivered as she nodded. "Someone died . . . there were police lights," she whispered. "Like Mommy."

"You shouldn't have had to see that, baby." I shouldn't have let her watch TV alone. If I'd have just kept her in the kitchen with me, she'd have been spared a panic attack. She still had problems with seeing police lights — they reminded her of that night — so I considered them a trigger of sorts and Bella had agreed. "You're safe, though, all right? Bad things happen sometimes, but nothing is happening to you."

"I just . . . was Mommy on TV?"

I sighed, trying to figure out what the hell to say. Of course Tanya's death was news, but I didn't want Els to know that. "They reported that someone was hurt, but you don't need to worry about that. Was that what upset you? Thinking that Mommy was on the news?"

Her tiny shoulder shrugged. "I don't know. I just got scared, Daddy."

"I know it's upsetting to hear about those kinds of things, but you just have to remember that you're okay. Let's write this down in your notebook for Dr. Bella, all right? Is it in your backpack still?"

"Yeah, I didn't have anything to write about this weekend, so I left it in there after school on Friday."

I smiled, caressing her cheek. "That's good, baby. I'm so proud of you for doing that."

After writing down what happened tonight, I ordered us pizza since the dinner I'd been cooking was ruined. It wasn't Friday, so she saw it as a treat and I managed to get a small smile out of her. It wasn't the same beautiful, brilliant smile that I loved dearly, but I couldn't ask for any more after this evening.

For the rest of the night, she was attached to me — like usual after something upset her. It took some coercing to get her into the bath because she didn't want to be alone, so I promised to let her fall asleep in my room while I read to her. She didn't last long once I started reading, which I expected. I probably should have taken her to her room, but I decided not to.

She wasn't the only one who didn't like being apart.

As she slept, I remembered how great this weekend was and tried to tell myself that little steps backwards _would _happen. After our date Friday night, her good mood stayed with her throughout the rest of the weekend. Yesterday we'd gone to the park, so she could fly her kite and then today we stayed in and I let her watch movies while I did some work. It truly was a blissfully happy weekend, and I hoped this wouldn't set her back too far. I wanted more days like the past week.

I wanted _every day _to be like the past week.

* * *

**A/N:** Long wait and I really apologize for that. This chapter had been halfway done since January, but I just couldn't get it written. Hopefully now that the weather is getting warmer and I can be outside, I'll be writing more. My muse lives out there. Crazy thing.

Thanks so much for reading and sticking with me! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


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